Support for victims of domestic abuse

Don’t quit

The lack of recognition and support for victims of domestic abuse is a universal failing that transcends societal stereotypes. Every day, victims of domestic abuse face a world fraught with fear and uncertainty. It feels as though the world is closing in, each day presenting new challenges and emotional turmoil. Physical pain and injuries are just the surface; the emotional trauma runs far deeper.

Constantly walking on eggshells, victims endure relentless psychological conflict. Their self-worth is systematically eroded by verbal assaults and manipulative control. The isolation is profound, as abusers often sever ties with friends and family, leaving victims feeling utterly alone. This daily existence is a harrowing blend of dread and despair, where hope seems like a distant dream.

However, there is hope, and you can escape the abuse. During some of my darkest moments, I found solace in the poem ‘Don’t Quit’ by John Greenleaf Whittier. If you are trapped in an abusive relationship, remember that “It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit“. Never lose hope. In your darkest moments, remember that this too shall pass. Brighter days lie ahead, and a better life awaits you—one where you are safe, valued and free.

Seek help

Behind closed doors, life can become a silent battlefield. A seemingly happy home from the outside can hide years of abuse inflicted by a partner. If you’re being abused and feel trapped, but haven’t told anyone because you fear you might not be believed or perhaps feel embarrassed, please reconsider and reach out. Support for victims of domestic abuse is available. Thinking and hoping things will get better, as I used to do, is unlikely. In fact, they’ll probably get worse. You will be believed, and true friends and family will support you. Your life will change for the better in ways you can’t even imagine right now.

Don’t wait

One of my biggest regrets is not speaking out about the abuse sooner. Looking back, I deeply regret all the time I wasted with someone who wasn’t the person I initially thought they were. I regret missing out on happier times and experiences I could have shared with my children had I not been in an abusive relationship. My children also missed out on experiences and bonding time with their paternal family, from whom I had become estranged under my ex-wife’s control. For many years, I lived my life as if it were a dress rehearsal, detached from reality. I clung to the belief that someday things would change, and my life would improve. However, nothing changed until I reached my lowest point and disclosed the abuse to my best friend, who immediately alerted the local authorities.

Following the exposure of my ex-wife’s abuse and her imprisonment, my children’s lives and my own have improved immeasurably. I feared my account of the abuse might not be believed due to me being male and physically bigger and stronger than her. However, I received full and empathetic support from the Police and Social Services. Furthermore, the support from family and friends, many of whom I thought would have written me off due to losing contact with them, has been humbling and enlightening.

Talk to a friend or family member

You may feel you have few friends left and that you’ve alienated your family to the point where they’ve given up on you. However, the opposite is more likely to be true: you will be welcomed back with open arms and given the support you need. Some of your friends and family may already suspect that something is wrong, especially if they have seen you with physical injuries. Alternatively, you may have hidden the abuse so well that the news will come as a complete shock. Either way, they will want to help you in any way they can.

Talk to ManKind

If you don’t feel ready to tell a friend or family member, then please call ManKind. The ManKind Initiative is a charity that offers support for male victims of domestic abuse. It provides support to help victims and their children escape from domestic abuse. It runs a national helpline with a trained team providing practical advice, information, signposting and emotional support to victims. This support is also extended to concerned friends, family members and work colleagues.

For confidential help, male victims of domestic abuse and concerned friends, family and colleagues looking to support someone who may be experiencing domestic abuse can call:

• Freephone 0808 800 1170 (will not show on your bills), or
• For those with inclusive minutes 01823 334 244

Further information is available on ManKind’s website.